What are you afraid of? You aren’t the one having the affair.

Forty, fifty or even sixty and single isn’t all bad. I know that’s not how you are feeling right now, however, I also know that trying to cling onto or recreate your past life isn’t going to give you much of a future.
So your husband / wife of 20 or 30 years went off with someone else, you are devastated, your life is in turmoil, all you want is to put things back the way they were. Well, that ain’t gonna happen. Even if and that would be a big ‘if’ you got your ex back things would never be the same again, that is a fact.
Before you go planning and scheming about how to split them up let’s take a look at what it is you really want.
The first thing to keep in mind is that this affair is not about YOU. It’’s not about anything you did or didn’t do.
You, on the other hand, have the opportunity to make some changes. You can use your newly imposed freedom to reflect on what you really want from life, you can take some time to delve into why you do things the way you do, sort out which of your behaviours work for you and which ones don’t. You might even like to get some help with the things that don’t work for you. Contact me, mary@yemanyacoaching.com you can have a ‘Get Your Life Back Solution Focused Programme’ designed especially for you.
Have a long chat with a very good friend, explain to her that you are ready to make some changes in your life, ask her for her thoughts on things you do that she thinks hold you back. Think about how you can manage things differently.
People change, people need different things at different times of their lives, knowing yourself and what you need and what you want gives you the strength to be your own person whether you are ‘in’ a relationship or not.
Being your own person makes you very attractive to other people, they see calmness, strength, happiness, acceptance, confidence and I’m guessing that before you are reading this these are areas that you probably need to work on right now.
Your ex didn’t leave you because of who you are or because of who the other person is, he / she left because he / she doesn’t know who he or she is. They got caught up in thinking that this new person could solve all their problems, and we both know that ‘that ain’t gonna happen’!
The only way life’s problems can be solved in by taking a long hard look at how you have managed your life so far, what has worked and what hasn’t worked. You do more of what works and change what doesn’t work. You might need help to make these changes, get the help, you have the rest of your life ahead of you and you can’t go back to how things were. Take this chance to be the person you want to be, then decide whether you even want your ex back!

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