What went wrong with your last relationship?

Reflect on what went wrong with your last relationship.

Before you dive head long into a new relationship it would be useful to reflect on what went wrong with you previous relationship, bearing in mind that you can’t change anyone but yourself.

Sometimes relationships end simply because couples grow apart, sometimes they are not compatible in the first place, many people get together as part of a group, they all pair off into couples, it works for some, but not for others. Some people go into relationships thinking they can change the person they are with, some think they can be the kind of person they imagine their new friend would like.
Wrong, you can change other people and you should never try to be someone that you are not. However, you may be able to recognise aspects of your personality that you can work towards changing.

You may be someone who needs to know where your partner is all the time, who they talk to, where they go, what they do. Try to think about whether this is because you feel insecure or because you have a need to control. Either way, you can get help to deal with these issues. People need to feel that they are trusted and that they have a certain amount of freedom within a relationship. If you have been careful about choosing your partner you will find it easy to trust them and give them they space they need. You will know that you are loved and have no need to worry or control.

Perhaps you have been guilty of having expectations that your partner did not live up to or agree with. In a relationship communication and negotiation are key skills to develop. You can’t assume or expect that just because you do the shopping your partner will do the laundry, the chores, like every other thing in a relationship need to be discussed and an amicable split agreed by both parties.

People like to discuss ideas and be consulted, things like holidays and house moves should be planned together, neither one of you should be presented with a ’fait a compli’ . Surprises are good, coercion is not good.

Be honest with yourself, what could you do better or differently. Try this, do what you do for love, not because you expect something in return.

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