Divorce Advice – Stay Civil With Your Ex

Being civil with your ex may not be so important if you don’t have children, it is, in my opinion, a must if you do have children. You and the other parent of your children have decided to end your relationship, but you both need to do all you can to maintain your and your partners relationships with your children.

It is very easy to get caught up in the emotional eruption of splitting up and divorce, your children absorb what is going on, remember this is not their divorce and reassure them they are not to blame.

For yourself remaining civil with your ex does have emotional and practical benefits, especially when you begin to get your life back on track after the drama and upset of parting.

You were attracted to each other enough to choose to share your lives so presumable there were a few things that you liked about each other, it is important to remember that otherwise you could drive yourself crazy wondering how you got yourself involved with him / her in the first place.

Acknowledge that things have gone wrong, accept the facts and agree to move on in a way that’s best for both of you. Couples can end up spending a fortune on legal fees because they think they can no longer discuss things together. Just remember how many dollars each solicitors letter costs. It may be more useful to make a list of the things you need to discuss, send it to your ex and ask when would be a good time to meet.

This will be more difficult if one of you doesn’t want the divorce, however, it is important to get finances and child care sorted out as soon as possible. Delaying these arrangements only causes more problems and heartaches.

Divorce need not be about being as difficult as you can with your ex, you can do it that way if you want to spend a lot of money and indulge your anger. However, for the sake of health and your bank balance it is more sensible to work together and decide how you are going to split things up, get valuations if you need to. Once you have agreed on the property and possessions split you can go to your lawyer to have the arrangements legalised.

Managing school and clubs etc for your children will be much easier of you can stay on civil terms. Your children should be able to have both of their parents at school open days or sports events without worrying that it will trigger world war 3.

Lastly, do not lower yourself to the depths of slandering your ex to anyone that will listen. No one want to be involved in your dirty laundry. It’s enough to say that you are splitting up because – , “you have grown apart”, “S/he was unfaithful”, “there was violence”, you don’t need to go into detail, often that only makes things worse for you. No doubt you will discuss things in depth with your family and a few close friends, but keep it to people you can trust. You don’t need to create situations that will embarrass you or your partner in the future.

Remaining civil keeps your stress levels down, maintains your integrity, helps preserve your self esteem and hopefully paves the way to a smoother future.

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