My Husband Is Buying Sex

Yes, I did take a deep breath when I heard this. The question being asked is this, My husband is buying sex from prostitutes in the next town, he says he loves me and wants to stay in our marriage he just needs more sex, I need help to work out if I can stay with him.
OMG, how do you get your head around that one.
Well, like everything else you need to take it one step at a time.
• How long has it been going on?
• Has your relationship changed in that time?
• Are you or were you getting as much sex and the kind of sex you wanted – obviously your husband was looking for something else.
• How does this compare to finding out he was having an affair?
• Is he willing to have an AIDS and STD test.
• Is he willing to stop while you both attend relationship counselling – if you feel that you can rescue your relationship?
• What are your priorities for your own life?
• What qualities does he have that you love and enjoy?
This is a very sensitive subject, if you look at the statistics you will find that 60% of men compared to 40% of women are unfaithful. It is also fairly well accepted that many men need to have sex more often than women. Some would argue that we are not a monogamous species, however, that is another discussion. In NZ prostitution is legal provided it happens in a registered brothel, so there is a recognised and accepted need for this most ancient of occupations.
This man claims that he loves his wife, he accepts that her sex drive is less than his and he feels that it is better for both of them that he satisfies his needs elsewhere.
What his wife is trying to deal with is the deceit and betrayal the fact that her husband has been regularly having sex with other women and trying to understand how he can do that and claim to still love her.
There are experiments that show that sex and love trigger different parts of the brain in men, but that after sex a man is more able to show love. So does the fact that this man uses a prostitute then comes home mean that he can be more loving towards his wife? Even if he is more loving, she now has knowledge that could split them apart.
Each of us is unique and every relationship is different, personally I would not accept this situation but history shows that many women are able to enjoy the company of their life partner and are happy that he satisfies his sexual desires elsewhere.
This is an ongoing case, at this point there is no answer to share with you.
Leave a post – what would you do?

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