Instant Relationships


I saw a post on Facebook the other day, it was reminding us that one date is not necessarily the start of a relationship.
This is a subject that crosses my table fairly often. I spend a lot of time helping people to get their lives back on track after relationship break ups. We are living in a time of instant gratification, whatever it is we want it now or sooner. It seems that for some people it’s the same with relationships.
Meet them, have sex, live together, have children, then realise you don’t know this person or even like them. One in 3 marriages ends in divorce, I wonder what the statistics are like for couples that live together but don’t get married.
I have worked with families where each of, in one case, 5 children had different fathers, trying to get stability and routine for children in such a situation is a nightmare.
So, one date doesn’t often make a relationship. Traditionally couples ‘courted’ for several months then there was the engagement, a commitment to marry, assuming it all worked out. It would have been rare for couples to live together before they had known each other for at least 18 months. Of course there was still unhappy relationships and divorces, but on quite the same scale as we have today.
If you are in the dating game, take your time, date a few people at the same time, let them know that you are looking for a relationship but with the right person. Don’t be bullied into making a choice before you are good and ready.
Dating the old fashioned way was good fun, social nights out ,romantic outings, intimacy without sex, time to get to know each other’s friends and families and most importantly, time to get to know each other.
Think about it, what would you rather have, some time to have fun and get to know someone or a few weeks of lusty passion, shared living, then the realisation that you are not with the person you want to spend your life with, followed by the messy and sometimes nasty business of splitting up? Hopefully, there are no children involved, they are frequently innocent victims of today’s easy come easy go style of living. It’s not easy getting your life back on track after a relationship breaks up, it is probably easier to take a bit of time to get to know someone before you get into a relationship with them.



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