How will you feel when you discover your partner is having an affair?

You think it won’t happen?  Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and that doesn’t take account of de facto relationships.

Modern society has more than doubled the chances of a relationship ending because one of the partners gets involved with somebody else.

Less than 50 years ago most women stayed at home, raised the children and kept house. Men worked with other men.

Today most women go to work, men and women work in the same offices, in some jobs they will spend long periods of time with their ‘work partner’ who may be of the opposite sex, e.g. police partners.

Close proximity is one of the most common catalysts quoted by people that have affairs. “We worked together, we had to travel together, we talked a lot, we became friends, it just happened”

Your husband or wife probably didn’t set out to have an affair, but it happened.


Usually because all their needs are not being met within their relationship, if your needs are being met where you are you are less likely to be tempted to look elsewhere to get what you are missing.

There are two parts to this;

  1. If your needs are being met you talk about your partner and your relationship in a positive manner, therefore you are less likely to find yourself in a situation where you might need comfort from another person.
  2. If the way you talk about your partner and your relationship is positive you are giving clear messages that you are happy and not available, therefore anyone looking for a relationship or an affair won’t be attracted to you, they will realise that you are in a strong healthy relationship.

What are the needs of men and women? Look after these needs to keep your love life on track.

When you look at the following lists you’ll wonder how men and women get together in the first place.

Women need:-  affection, conversation, honesty, family commitment and financial security.

Men need:- sex, no surprises there!, shared leisure time – they need a mate, an attractive companion, housekeeping and they need to be praised and admired.

What do these needs have in common?

Affection & Sex, Women find affectionate men very attractive, you may have caught yourself wondering what a friend sees in her, short myopic husband, I’d put money on the fact that he is affectionate. Women are sexually aroused by displays of affection.  Have you got it guys?

Small affectionate actions and comments from you throughout the day and your partner will be more than willing to have sex with you. Women take longer to become sexually aroused than men, so it’s no good hopping into bed and expecting the earth to move if you haven’t been busy preparing the ground beforehand.

Conversation & Shared Leisure Time

Men like to do things, even if it is only watching sport on television, women like to talk about things. Couples need to find some common interests so that they can spend time together and have time to talk. Small issues can be discussed in passing during an afternoon spent together. If you don’t spend time together, then you have to make time to discuss things and small issues become really big issues.

Just for the record – women are turned on by what they hear, so start saying the right things and …..

Attractive Partner & Honesty

Men are turned on by what they see.  Men need to feel proud of their partners and the easiest way for that to happen is for women to look good. Too many women ‘let themselves go’ once they are in a stable relationship, yes, men do to, but I believe it’s women that lead the way here.

Where does honesty fit in here, women need their men to be honest and open about what they think and how they feel. Too often men bottle up their feelings and worries, talking to your partner about these things let’s her know that you value and trust her. Likewise when she come to you with a problem or a question don’t fob her off with a meaningless remark such as “ You look fine” when she doesn’t, or “ Don’t worry”, when you can see that she is already worrying.

Honesty in a relationship keeps you both in tune with what you are feeling and thinking. Make a point of telling each other what makes you happy and what your worries are.

Family Commitment & Housekeeping

These two hark back to the days when men were men and women stayed at the home, but that doesn’t make them any less important. When a woman has a man’s child her biological expectation is that he will be around to provide for his child and it’s mother. This is how his lineage is passed on and the survival of his genes depends on the success of his children who in turn depend on their mother.  For his part the man expects to be able to come back to a comfortable camp at the end of a long day hunting, his wife provides the comforts, she builds the nest and cooks the kill, and she looks after his children. They affirm each other’s roles and work together as a team. Things are a little different today, men and women are both out hunting and we entrust the care of our children to strangers that choose to run ‘camps’ for our offspring. The uniqueness of the male and female role has been lost, so more attention must be paid to working together and valuing the contribution each partner makes.

Praise and Admiration &Financial Security

Women were impressed with what the man brought home, whether it was a dead deer or a weekly wage. They told their men how wonderful they were and felt good about being provided for.

The men went out hunting / to work knowing that their women would praise them and admire their strength and skill when they brought home the goodies.

Women stayed at home making the nest and caring for the children, secure in the knowledge that they were provided for.

Deep down these roles lie within us, they are the behaviours that allowed the human race to get to where it is today. Men still want to be the providers and be admired for it and women want financial security for themselves and their children. However, today’s society has blurred the edges, men and women go out to work and it may be the woman that provides financial security for the family.

But at the end of the day, men still need praise and admiration and women need financial security, successful couples find ways to make these things happen for each other.

You will all have your own ideas about what you need, but I am sure that your needs will fall broadly within these categories. Take the time to look at each section and assess how your needs are being met. Are you meeting your partner’s needs?

I guess it depends on how much you value your relationship. Neglect to meet your partner’s needs and run the risk that they will look elsewhere.

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