Who is running your life – you or your teen?

This is an excerpt from our ebook, “How to get your life back”, I hope you find it useful.

Some things are worth spending time on others are not.
Think about the worries or problems you have at the moment, what is keeping you awake at night?

Now think about what you, in your present situation are able to do about these worries. Some things you can change, others you can’t. Some worries belong to other people, e.g. if your friend is running up too much debt and won’t listen to you – that’s her stuff. If you can’t change it – leave it alone – or get help to do what you need to do.
If you can change it – then use some of the ideas that follow to help you make a plan to change it.

Taking control of your life may not suit everyone around you, especially if they have been used to you jumping to attention when they snap their fingers. Don’t let that worry you, they will soon get used to it!

If you learn to use rational argument and leave emotion out of it you will be seen to be very reasonable – and it may even rub off on those around you.

How does this story sound to you?
You have just come home from work; your teenager is waiting for you. ‘Hi, Mum, can you take me over to John’s please?’
‘Yes’, you say, ‘as soon as I have had a cup of tea’.
Teenager, ‘that’s no good, I need to go now, everyone else is going now, I’ll be the only one who isn’t there’. [Did you pick the emotional blackmail there?]

YOU HAVE A CHOICE – you can let your teenager take control and you can get in the car and do the deed – or YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL.

You answer, ‘use the phone and tell them you’ll be there in 15 minutes, I am going to have a cup of tea’.
Teenager, ‘great! What do you care if I’m the only one that can’t get there on time’?
You, “you know what time I get home from work, if this is so urgent you should have telephoned me earlier or made other arrangements. I will take you after I have had a cup of tea”.
You are taking control of your time.
You have offered him a way of altering the situation – use the phone.
You have agreed to do the thing – on your terms.
You have pointed out that there was no prior arrangement – no one should assume that they can use your time.
You did not get involved in the emotional blackmail.

Stay calm and stick to your point, the choice your teenager has is this– he goes on your terms or he doesn’t go – easy!

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