“How do you say I love You?”

“Darling, I give you my Unconditional Positive Regard”,

Excuse me? It just doesn’t sound right to say “I give you my unconditional positive regard”, maybe not, but that is what love is. Love is accepting someone just as they are, accepting their best intentions, accepting their limitations and their quirky habits that drive you round the bend. No conditions, no if’s or but’s.

It’s not, I love you when……………
It’s not, I love you if………..
It’s not I won’t love you if……..
It’s not I don’t love you when…….

You can achieve this state of love only by being happy and comfortable with yourself. You are able to take ownership of your own moods etc., and you allow your partner to do the same.

My first husband was a very sulky moody person, I unwittingly fuelled that aspect of his personality. I took responsibility for the way he was behaving, asking what I had done to upset him, what could I do to make things better. One day I realised that he was getting a lot of attention for behaving very badly.

I went for a drive to clear my head.
• I hadn’t done anything to upset him.
• I hadn’t treated him unfairly.
• I had been angry the previous night because he was late home and he didn’t let me know so our evening meal was spoiled.
• I thought that incident was over and done with, he possibly didn’t.

I realised that I was spending my life trying to manage his moods, if he was happy I could be happy, if he wasn’t I tried very hard to make him happy. At the end of the day neither of us was happy.

My first strategy was to give him space to deal with his own moods. Starting the very next day as it happened.
“Oh dear, I see that you are in a grumpy mood again, well I’ll just take myself out of your way and give you peace”. I got in the car and left, I did the shopping took my daughter to the park had lunch and went back home mid afternoon – guess what, he was pleased to see me! He wanted to know where we had been and what we had been doing. Instead of getting a lot of attention for his bad behaviour he got to have time alone – not exactly what he wanted.

To be truly happy you have to be able to know who you are and what you want in your life. If you know yourself you can begin to know someone else. If you can accept yourself you can begin to accept someone else and you can say to them “I will do my best to treat you with unconditional positive regard”. When you get to this stage, of knowing yourself and being responsible for yourself you have a much better chance of building a long, lasting, loving relationship. If your relationship is needing a booster, you need our 10 day course, get it right this time,



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