Don’t think you can change him or her

Acceptance is crucial to a successful relationship. Don’t think that you will be able to change your partner once you live together / get married, it just isn’t going to happen. If you feel you need to change someone they are probably not the right person for you.

If he / she has habits that you don’t like, you may ask that they change but you have to accept that they may not want to change.

Women frequently say they would like their partner to change their driving habits. Latest research in NZ shows that men take more risks than women while driving, women feel unsafe men feel the thrill. Very few men are able to adapt their driving to suit their female passenger, for many men in this modern world driving is the closest thing they get to the thrill of the chase. Men are born hunters, we haven’t evolved far enough yet for that to change. Put them behind the wheel and they are off, hunting down the car in front, racing around the next bend to see what’s up ahead, tailgating the car in front just to show they are there and hoping to intimidate the driver to pull over and let them charge off into the distance.
o.k. guys, I know you are not all like this, but I’m pretty sure there is a little bit in all of you!

Ladies, it’s just what they do. If your bloke is really frightening you when he drives you have a couple of choices, you can stay home – to make the point, you can drive, you can take your own car if you are lucky enough to have one. Hopefully your man will care enough to moderate his driving while you are in the car. My husband gives me a running commentary of how fast he would be going if I wasn’t in the car, I tell him that’s O.K. in his own time, but my life is too sweet to end it at the hands of a speeding driver – him. Doesn’t make him happy, but at least we can reach a compromise.

I accept that he drives faster than I do and he accepts that I don’t like to be driven too fast.

I’m often told about how irritating someone’s partner is when they surf the television channels, or they leave the lid off the toothpaste tube, or they spread their toast on the bench top and leave crumbs around. When it comes to little things like this you have to ask yourself if they are worth getting worked up about. You probably do things that annoy the people you live or work with – have you asked them, or do they nag you to change?

In a relationship you have to work out what your priorities are, deal with the big stuff and accept the little things, we are the way we are. If you know that people chewing with their mouths open really annoys you it would be a good idea not to even think about going out with someone that chews with their mouth open.

Some people can read a newspaper and put it all back together again, others spread it around the room – is it important?

What is important is remembering that we want people to accept us as we are, therefore we should try to return the compliment.

If you find yourself getting cranky with your partner over a minor issue, take a minute to remind yourself of all the things you do like about them. Accept that they are they way they are and that’s what you love about living with them.

Acceptance is the relationship builder, disapproval is the relationship destroyer – if you are struggling to keep your relationship on track sign up for our 10 Day Mini Course, you really will feel the difference.



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