Will having a baby change your relationship?


Children, bless them, change our lives in many many ways – for ever!

Most of my career has involved working with children in some shape or form, school children, teenagers, children with behaviour problems, children with severe and complex intellectual problems, teenage mothers and pre-school educational provision.
These days I hear from my employees about the trials and delights of family life.

Will having a baby change your relationship? You bet your life it will!

Every relationship will feel the strain at some stage, whether it’s through lack of sleep, in the early days or some other issue that develops later on. Healthy strong relationships survive and grow stronger, couples that know each other’s strengths and weaknesses well can support each other through the tough times – and there will be some.

Sadly, many relationships don’t stand the strain of parenting and that’s a loss for all concerned.
I’ve seen many loving couples torn apart by the strain of caring for a severely disabled child or children. Children with disabilities require so much energy that there may not be enough left in the pot to nurture a relationship as well.
Some couples have only stayed together because a baby was on the way – more about that another time.

Some couples have a baby to try to save their relationship – sorry, that won’t work.

So, even where a couple is well suited and the baby is planned there will still be a strain on the relationship. Be ready for that, talk about it beforehand, make a plan, set aside time to nurture your relationship as well as your baby.

Two or three generations ago extended families lived in the same locality, now they can be scattered around the world. The benefit of having your family nearby is that you can share the baby care, you can arrange a few hours off, while Granny or Auntie minds the baby. That’s not so easy if you don’t have family around. Try to get together with two or three other couples and take turns at giving each other a night off, maybe once a month. It will make a huge difference, you’ll have some time out to look forward to.

Most importantly, talk to each other about how you are going to manage, who is doing night time feeds and when they get a night off. Who will go to the supermarket, is Mum going back to work and if so, when?
Have you agreed on care for your baby if Mum goes back to work?

Having a baby will put a strain on your relationship, but the rewards will far outweigh the stresses.

Keep an eye on this blog for useful ideas and tips about parenting and relationships.

Leave a comment. Tell me your best parenting tip – I’ll compile them into a free e-book so that others can benefit.

Most of all, have fun!



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