From my in box – You could be writing my life!


Hi Yemanya Coaching,
I’ve been following Janet and John. I’m sure you don’t know me but you could be writing my life except that I live in Auckland not Christchurch.
My husband was having an affair with a woman at his work, I only found out because she got drunk and called him at 2a.m., while he was home, in bed with me!
He has changed jobs and has a new cell phone number. He says he is very sorry, it will never happen again. I know it takes two to tango, but he says she chased him for months before he actually went to bed with her. I was always a bit worried about these team building events that take people away from home and end up with everyone getting drunk.
The bit I’m really struggling with is – How can I really trust him again?

My Reply,
Trust can be broken in a nano second, but it takes much longer to rebuild trust. We learn to trust our partners over time, they prove to us that we can believe what they say and rely on them to be there for us. Once that trust has been broken it takes both of you to work together to rebuild it.

You have to be willing to give your husband the chance to prove that he can be trusted, he has to be willing to prove it to you. You both need to be willing to talk openly about your thoughts and feelings. You need to talk about why it happened, how you feel about it, what you can do to make sure neither one strays in the future.

He can help build trust by contacting you during the day, just to say he’s thinking of you and where he is or what he is doing, you can respond by being reassuring, and appreciate the call. You can both take the chance to affirm that you do love each other.

He can build trust by involving you in his weekly plan, he can meet you for lunch. Invite you to meet him straight after work to see a film. He can offer to take you and the family out at the weekend, instead of working or going out with mates. You need to accept these offers and get involved in his life.

You can help by encouraging him to have time out with his friends, after all you can’t be welded together, you need to feel comfortable when he is away from you. His job is to be back at a set time, so that you don’t worry about where he is.

He can invite you to office social occasions, he can encourage you to meet the people he works with. People are less likely to be unfaithful where their partner knows the people they work and socialize with.

You can think of things that you can all do together, as a family, in the evenings or at weekends.

Intimate relationships mat be strained for some time, however if you are both committed to making your relationship work you will be able to take the time and make the effort needed to get your sex life back on track.
There is a section in our e-book, ‘How to improve Your Relationship’ http://www.yemanyacoaching.com/products-page/ that deals specifically with rebuilding a healthy sex life.
Thanks for your email and Good Luck.



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