Festive Fall-Out

I hope you have had a relaxing and enjoyable holiday. Sadly not everyone does. This time of year often sees the break up of marriages
and relationships, for a variety of reasons. Whatever the reason, life is going to be different and possibly difficult until you re-establish yourself.

Communication is going to be very important. At all costs try to keep talking to each other, the more you can negotiate and agree between you the less your legal fees will cost. Of course you will need legal advice to make sure that you know how the law around separation and divorce works, but within that you and your ex-partner can solve many issues without resorting to solicitors letters.

Many couples that have little in common fill their lives with work and other people.
You may find that some of your friends will avoid your company, many people don’t know how to deal with their own feelings and not wanting to seem to take sides they simply disappear from your radar – be ready for this. You will have good friends that you can rely on, don’t be afraid to call on them when you are feeling down or need some help.

Having structure and routine in your life at a time of great change is very important.
Keep going to any clubs or classes you belong to and if you don’t have any find something to go to at least once each week. There will be times when you just want to hide away, but learning a new skill or sport is a good way to add routine and structure. It is hard to get out there by yourself, but hugely rewarding when you make the effort.

Couples may find you a threat.
Often a newly single person feels that they are no longer welcome in the circle of couples they used to be in. Mainly because of the insecurity of these other couples. Men and women are possessive of their partners and often view a single person in the group as a threat to their relationship, so wives will be protective of their husbands and vive versa, don’t worry about it, it’s at times like this that you find out who your true friends are.

Be brave enough to tell your friends and family how you are feeling.
If you put a brave face on things all the time people either won’t know that you are feeling down or they’ll assume that because you are putting a brave face on that you don’t want their help. Separating from a partner and starting a new life is a huge strain on anyone, you will need a shoulder to cry on from time to time – keep those closest to you in the loop, they will want to help, if you let them.

Next time?
Give yourself time, if only to reflect on what went wrong. Get some advice on choosing a partner, there is some on this blog, “How Did You Choose Your Partner” Sign up for our Premium Membership and get previews of my new E-Book, “It’s All About Relationships”
Remember, it takes two to tango!

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